


Honk That Horn

by bravelove



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Crack, M/M, Roadtrip, Strife Screams the fic, Unsafe driving, When Parvis and Ridge Get Together Strife Suffers, Who let Ridge drive?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 06:21:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20484302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravelove/pseuds/bravelove
Summary: Magic Police might be knocking on there door but that doesn’t mean it’s not the perfect time for a Roadtrip!





	Honk That Horn

It was a beautiful morning at Castle Parvis, Strife thought, the sun was warm and friendly, the sunflowers were healthy and blooming, there was a perfect breeze to keep it at a reasonable temperature, yes it was indeed the perfect morning if you asked William Strife... well perfect except for two very annoying things, the loud sound of an alarm he set up weeks ago, and the fact Parvis was sitting on a fucking Subaru hood with Ridge dressed to the nines like a fashion blind dad going on a vacation to the beach with those dumb patterned shirts, and tacky pink shades, and just, the dumbest sun hat Strife had ever seen, _ and was that a winking sun embroidered on it _ , behind the wheel making vrooming noises and playing with the steering wheel. That he could do without. Where had they even gotten the car.

With a deep sigh he glanced up at the sky where he could faintly see the cause of the alarm, Magic Police, those idiotic Magic Police. He had set up an alarm system after learning Parvis was one of their most wanted so they would have time to grab their gear and thoroughly wreck them, well, that was what was  _ supposed _ to happen, but...

“Get in the Subaru Strife! It’ll be fine, Ridge has a license! It’s road trip time!” Parvis cheerfully demanded, legs kicking happily and flashing a brilliant smile when Strife actually looked away from the horizon to look at him. Ridge honked the horn in agreement aaaand of course it bellowed out la cucaracha. Strife could feel a migraine forming.

“Parvis, not only do we have so much powerful gear we could take them out in a second, but Ridge is just going to get us killed and then we’ll just respawn here, with none of that gear, and Magic Police likely camping the beds, get off the car I’m not even going to ask where it came from and help me kick their collective asses!  _ And get Paco down from the roof of the car!” _

Parvis pouted and sniffled a bit, “But Striiife, he wants to come too and there's not enough room in the Subaruuuu! come oooon! We never go exploring anymore and I wanna see fun things, find more villages to ravage, let’s drag the Magic Police on a wild goose chase!” He batted his eye, kicking his leg up the air and leaning back on the truck, posing like a cute pin-up girl, it was then that Strife noticed he was wearing daisy dukes that definitely showed off his legs a bit too well.

Rubbing his face to hide his small blush Strife glanced up at the sky, damn it, the police were getting close, and judging by Parvis’ desire to show off his legs and not be of any  _ actual use _ , he wasn’t going to be able to win this fight. With a loud sigh he grabbed Parvis by the collar and dragged him into the back seats, getting into the seat next to Ridge and buckling in. “Do you even actually have a licence Ridge?”

“Yeah, a licence to be an alligator trapper!” and before Strife could comment on that completely absurd statement, or pale in fear, Ridge slammed on the gas, the car taking off much faster than it should have been able to as it burst out the castle gate and started to blaze across the water, Ridge’s bullshit probably keeping it from sinking, Paco neighed happily.

Letting out a long scream, too petrified by the speed to even think about grabbing the wheel from Ridge like he planned, Strife was pushed to the back of his seat, watching as his life flashed in front of his eyes, man he’s cool. Ridge seemed to cackling happily, slamming his gaudy flip-flop foot on the pedal as much as he could and as he screamed in utter terror, he felt his seatbelt come undone, looking down eyes wide in fear he looked down and saw Parv’s hand dart away and he managed to deadpan, completely done with everything, as Parvis dragged him over the seat and into the backseat for cuddles. He was about to give Parvis a piece of his mind for doing something so dangerous when Ridge hit something and the whole car spun for a bit on the water, immediately forgetting his anger at Parvis he clutched Parvis, screaming more and mentally calculating how he can use Parvis to cushion himself and avoid injury if Ridge flipped the car.

Giggling from the attention, he felt Parvis wrap his arms around him, nuzzling into him, now normally he’d snap at Parvis for restraining him, but as the car continued to spin and Ridge only cackled louder and louder, he was now incredibly glad for someone to both stabilize him and also take the brunt of the hit for when Ridge will eventually crash. Parvis just seemed to get even more of that giggly bitch disease as he nuzzled and yelled out “Faster! Faster! Weeee!”

Gaining a bit of bearings Strife screeched out “Do NOT go faster Ridge I will have your head on my mantle! Stop this car! I’m going to take over driving! Stop!” To his dismay though, Paco neighed again, and this bastard Ridge just upped the speed, god he hates them all. He would tell them that too, if he wasn’t screaming at the top of his lungs praying for a fast death and to respawn back at the Magic Police so he could turn all of them in and get off free with the bonus from snitching and a few bribes. Then he could laugh at them for being in jail, yeah, that would teach them. 

——————

After a few minutes (most of which had felt like hours…), the vehicle met a complete stop, which flung Strife forward, out of Parvs arms, into the windshield with a loud thump. In the back seat, Parvis cackled as he was only flung forward into the front seat. Ridge, meanwhile, had pulled out a map, which very clearly displayed a land completely unlike Craftia. This didn’t matter though, because he didn’t need it. He’s fucking Ridgedog, surely something like a  _ MAP _ will just slow him down. Yeah.

Ridge looked into the passenger's seat, and upon seeing Strife  _ mostly _ unconscious and half out of it, with Parvis half wrenched between the two seats in front, he laughed. In response, Strife feebly hit at his head with a shaky fist. But he wasn’t dead yet! And that meant the fun was only just beginning for the deranged crew.

Parv looked to Ridge. “Sooooooooo Ridge! Where are you going to whisk us off to, you fucking, knight in shining power armor?” Ridge briefly wondered if he should just make the armor visible now. nnnnnnnah. Nah, he’s in this for the long game. Don’t doubt him, motherfucker.

“C’mon Parvis! Everyone knows real knights come in funky shades!” Ridge happily informed him, tilting his sunglasses up with a hand and winking at Parv. “Also-” he looked at Strife, “-his shades are not as gucci as mine which therefore disqualifies him from knighthood!” at this Strife squawked indignantly.

“My shades are EXTREMELY gucci you son of a bitch!” he shouted, which made Parvis and Ridge burst out in laughter at the very uncharacteristically emotional response from the normally cold CEO.

“Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Ridge loudly declare, which was promptly followed by him shoving his utterly useless map in Strife’s face. “OH YEAH, so i decided where we’re going!”

“Wheeeeere! Where where!!” Parv giggled out, which Ridge gave a huge grin to.

“Las Vegas, bitch!” he cackled, the Subaru suddenly accelerated to ridiculous speeds, headed in the direction of Nilesy and Lom’s base, ignoring Strife beginning to scream again as he was thrown back into the back seats from the sudden acceleration but somehow still not out cold.

Clutching the seat, Strife barely managed to get himself buckled into the back, and he let out a small breath, and with a small murmur of “Finally...safety...” he passed out, Parvis groaned as he looked back at Strife

“Well who am I going to shove my legs at and watch them blush now!? Speed up Ridge we gotta get this guy to a place he can relax so he can touch my legs!” The car somehow picked up more speed and they were off, Ridge cackling madly once again and Paco neighing loudly and happily!

Suddenly slamming the breaks the car jerked to a stop, throwing Parvis into the windshield and just cackled wildly “Pain is great!” Ridge jumped out of the car, dragging Paco down from the roof and freeing the horse.

“Wait wait I have the funniest idea, get Strife out of his seat c’mon Parvis it’ll be great!” Ridge excitedly said.

Seeing absolutely nothing concerning with this at all, Parvis dragged Strife from his seat belt, cutting him out and thus ruining the chance this seat could ever be sat in safely, and dragging his unconscious boyfriend out of the car. He grinned widely as he watched Ridge shove Paco into the backseat, who neighed and happily laid on the comfy seats. 

Yanking Strife from Parvis’ arms, Ridge snickered “Alright Parvis, give me the boy, he’s going to think this is hilarious!” Floating up to the top of the car, Strife was quickly tied down how Paco was, and Ridge confiscated his shades. Parvis was hopping happily taking out his phone to snap pictures of the tied down and most likely be unable to move if he was awakened Strife, before diving through the car window back into the front seat

“C’mon Ridge lets get going again, oh Strife's gonna be so mad it’s gonna be hilarious c’mon, c’mon!” Parvis cackled, leaning over and honking the horn.

“Well how can I resist the siren song of la cucaracha! Vroom vroom time bottoms!” Ridge dived into the driver's seat and began to take off, but Paco gave an angry snort and Ridge rolled his eyes “Fine fine, vroom vroom time bottoms and one top!” and punctuated it by shoving Strife’s shades onto Paco, then slamming the car into hyperdrive once again. The adventure only beginning, and Parv and Ridge had a feeling it was going to be a great one!


End file.
